ATAullah's thingy

That scratch of the match, 
the sound of the flame, 
that crackle when inhaled, 
all like a beginning to a concerto, 

The Holey Smoke, 
the divine connect to the lips, 
the fumes from the bloke, 
as graceful as ever ; 

Everywhere it read, 
smoking kills , tobacco causes cancer, 
yet , warnings are being killed, 
and smoke is acting like a dancer, 

to know why a man smokes, 
you have to know the feelings unknown, 
ask of it to the bloke who once swore, 
that , " cigarettes and I will gel no more " ;

The air of smoke, 
is now in tandem with the feelings of that bloke, 
opportunities all around, 
but vanish in a puff of smoke, 

Swearing , too , had a price to pay, 
it kept cheating again and again, 
in an attempt to be truthful to one, 
that bloke chose the stick which costs five times one ; 

Now , smoke rings still circle around ,
how he wished it were gone , 
like cuffs it is still bound, 
when will that bloke come around ?

with violence in the movement of fumes ,
the concerto has finally begun ,
serenely floating up in the air ,
like a paradox unleashed and bare .

My lord, my friend,

In my dreams the world is still beautiful,

Hands full of balloons and a ballooning trend, 

A beat in my heart as ever graceful .

My lord , my friend ,

Yes , Those were the world of dreams ,

Those were the world of books ,

Where every breath would create ripples ,

Where eyes would sparkle passion ,

My lord , my friend ,

You were my earth, you were my sky,

But little did I know of your equity,

So , I stood on the edge of a deep hole of immorality ,

In throngs, then they came ,

They carried swords and said , friends they were ,

Commanded to throw away those books ,

And educated me to wear swords and cuffs with all its care . 

“ This hole that you see ,

Wealth enormous will there be ,

Tomorrows world is in there .

Take this sword and jump with a dare .

Kill whoever dares to stand before You .

and then the future will belong to You .”

I did what they told me to do ,

Because they wanted me to do so ,

I do not know why I did it ,

But they only told me they wished me to do so .

That hole was dark ,

But , I had gone too far to remark ,

I was trained well , 

So couldn't see if I was killing my own self . 

Now , that taste of blood

That thirst for a kill ,

Has haunted me , has bounded me ,

You tell me what do I do ?

Who do I kill ?

Not a soul to guide ,

No more room to hide ,

My lord , my friend ,

In my dreams You still reside ,

That world , those books , no more lies ,

Tell me what I need to do .

My lord , my friend ,

What do I do ?

Between dawn and noon ,
A morning lay ,
With a warning of doom ,
It had something to say .

The light of day ,
The greeting of gay ,
How happy You laid ,
On the bed You shared .

Time to wake up ,
Wants to be given up ,
Get up to mourn,
Its time of a morn;

Between true and lies ,
A mirror resides ,
A salutation for a fool ,
Making sure it was your fuel .

A faithful depiction ,
A mere reflection ,
Of a selfish being ,
Who can only see a me .

Look into them ,
See of what you have become ,
Ask help from the Mornings of err ,
It’ll guide you to a mirror .

The mirror then says , "Stare at me
Look into Your eyes ,
Don’t deny ,
I know Your lies ; "

Yes,Mornings bring light ,
But,soon darkness will ignite ,
You will then look better in the mirror ,
Better to be in the dark than look at an error .

Remember this , oh there ,
Mornings and mirrors ,
Will always be there ,
And they’ll serve only to terrify old figures .

You’ll understand this none ,
You’ll still stand in front of a mirror yon ,
You’ll look for you ,
Yet , You’ll find no clue .

An unsung chorus ,

There was a time in my life,
Where I would write about what I like.

Now, there is a time in my life,
Where I will write about what she likes.

She told me, "chocolate is what I like",
I thought, then that's what I'll write.

It's been 22 years; there are lots that I have eaten,
But, writing about it left me completely beaten.

It's so seductive is what she told, when asked,
I noticed that a lot and the way she fought.

Let it seduce You is what I thought,
But, with restraint she is born and hence she fought.

We've all grown up, alright,
But, for chocolates and all we still fight.

It makes her sad when she does not eat the brown she likes,
Brown is what she wants to lose and the end is what she likes.

Uncontrolled - the urge, knowingly, she eats,
With treadmills and walks her heart beats.

She keeps telling me there is so much of that I can write,
Of how delicious its taste and of the feeling of might.

The feeling of might is of strange clay,
For, her smile for that chocolate makes my day  .

For a second, here, I forgot what I was writing about,
Chocolates or her is what I thought.

I wear clothes which are ought to be worn ,
don’t stare at me 'cause they are not your own .

They say the clothes I wear makes them swear ,
but , what do they know of a young man's dare ?!

Shirts I wear are dyed in strips ,
have fun guys , 'cause you never know when I ll strip .

The clothes I wear are meant to be worn ,
don’t pity now because they are still not torn .

The jeans I wear are always prone to tear ,
now , lets not talk about my underwear .

The socks I wear have a knack of their own,
smell like that could make them go into the zone .

The clothes I wear need not be all bright and gay ,
I'll look great only when you adjust Your stare .

Now You know of a young man's dare ,
so , let me wear for what I care .

I am only young before I die ,
so let me wear before that sigh .

For , I don't carry clothes to my grave ,
only a white linen will all I care .

But, they still say , clothes I wear are not to be worn,
well , after all I am one of their own .

So, with all the modesty of this young man's rhyme ,

I ask You to own me all ,

but , not the clothes that will ultimately fall .

My own self offends me sometimes or rather a lot of times . I have humiliated the beauty of my creation and its existence . So much so that the newer me is well despised by the older me and I somehow take pride in the newer me . Ironic as it may seem , it gives me a reason to live ,by removing all the reasons to live .

Charm is what I inherited . It's hereditary . Will cannot be inherited . It's environmental . Charm wasn't always dominant but just showed sparks . Will played its part very well and would never let Charm get carried away. Charm is now questioned a lot by the power of the Will .

My Will was as solid as a rock .One should notice the word was . It was  unfazed and unhurt by strong deviations and distractions . They say the more You practice the better You become . But , Will had its own Will .And so , gradually , with every fight against Charm and its attractions, it became weaker .

It's a strange story that of Will . It promised never to bow down . It always made sure that the host would be protected from it's own charm and that of other foreign objects . But , it did bow down . It's power is now fading and will soon be conquered by the beauty of Charm .

Charm , like Will , has a major weakness . It has something to conceal. Usually it's total dependence on the appreciation of others . Will , it has a starting advantage but it's major problem is the power it holds. It more than once trips on it  saying ,"It's alright to let it happen sometimes."

The fight between the Will and the Charm will continue as long as I continue . Charm is now dominant . As was Will . Later , I am sure , Will will be dominant . As is Charm now . If both of them could stop fighting and twain and form a Will of Charm , then life would be all.

And yet the fact still remains , we are all born charming, fresh, and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society .

The title of this post has a very weird story .This does not mean that I don’t like the title .And its also a little weird that I like weird stuff . The story is very weird and I don’t think You like it weird . Lets spare that and move on .That’s what we do at IIPM . We move on .

The very thought of joiing IIPM led to a lot of stuff .Asad , a very close friend , once said, “ There are two kinds of people who join IIPM . they can either be fools or even bigger fools . the fools join IIPM because they do not get into any other college and the bigger fools are the ones who get good scores worth taking them into greater colleges but they join IIPM . why ? because they are even bigger fools.” I don’t know if I can be proud of that at this juncture but I belong to the second category .

No , don’t be mistaken . I love what IIPM led me to .Its like rejuvenation . I had missed my days at previous college and missed the friends I had made over there . IIPM allowed me to mellow that feeling. After college I experimented with my life by not doing anything . For the record , I was helping my mom in the business for about a year . And for that year I studied for CAT and learnt the art of screwing it up royally .Okay , You don’t have to know how much I got in that .

To be very candid , I have had this problem of expressing my feelings and I still have this problem . Even though I have decided on what to write, I still have this problem of letting You know exactly what IIPM led me to . I know You second me on that one . But , lets me try to express .

My days at IIPM were and are very hectic and I get so much pleasure in making it sound like it . First two weeks were gradual . It was more like a building phase . Friends I have made are genuine to the core and the best of the lot . Presentations and assignments scare the shit out of me and I love it . Edit the shit part if You don’t like it . There is always something or someone here to keep me busy . Although the campus at hyderabad isn’t that great , but the canteen here steals the show . all of my time is spent at the canteen . And a Table Tennis table in the canteen makes my business worth it over there . I have learnt new tricks of the trade and new tricks of impressing people . These days might just well be one of the best days of my life .Courtesy IIPM.

I have never found group discussion fun .But , its different this time .My exams are in progress right now . And everybody seems to know just a little bit to teach everybody . reminds me of the time Junaid , Hussain and I used to sit all through the night and study nothing for our graduation exams . Oh shit ! I am yet to collect my graduation certificate .

One more thing that IIPM leads to is procrastination . May be it's just me .

I know myself not anymore ,
I thought I always did , all the more.

I always loved the cold,
But I thought I was being bold .

Lady , I don’t love the cold anymore ,
I have grown old , mature and more .

You have despised my attitude towards You ,
I regret and say sorry before any hullabaloo.

Also , Needless to say ,
I have despised my attitude towards You .

You always knew where the fault was ,
So have I , also known the cause .

But , we chose to be mum .
Since then , I believe , everything is numb .

Selfishness was not my trait .
It got governed by my fate .

Selflessness is also my trait ,
Though I never put it on the plate .

I once loved to be the glue ,
But once again , we are through .

I thank You for letting me know ;
For , the others never let me know .

I know I am candid for my own good ,
But calm too has done me no good .

Yes, I was weak and meek,
But change does not take place in a week .

No word is as good as Sorry ,
please don’t worry ,
for,satisfaction does not bring misery .

When on the threshold of 20 years , everything which a normal guy would have gone through,I had been through.Well the following is just the reflection of those ironic years .Today , If I want to look back at those years the only way to do that is to be pensive or to look at this post .

19 years passed
and I am yet to explore myself
feel like I am an angel
turning into a demon

The light is fading
and I am hoping for the sun
but I am still wondering
where can i find a gun?

Every passing second
felt worth a year
no breathe,no voice
I can hear.

Sinking in my hell
deeper and deeper.
Waiting for someone
to lift me up.
I am so weak
can't pull myself together
don't really know who I am.

Thoughts flowing all around
making me clumsy and clumsier
Ironic as it may sound
it seems I am about to touch heaven

You taught me how to breathe,
how to hide,
how to leave,
how to choke,and
You taught me how to eat.

Its better to bury myself
because I can't pretend
to be like them
I am not like them
all I've is
being true to myself
be yourself is all that You can do

I wish I was like You
easily amused
but I am not like them
I cant pretend
I love myself more than You
I know it's wrong,
what should i do.
everything is my fault
I take all the blame..

What else should I write,
I don't have any right
what else should I write,
I don't have any apologies
it's the season
I am the reason
I've seen all
I've grown fast

Lightning fucking around in my head
fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up.
people freaking everyday
white lights inside asking,
what do You want

Please don't grade me
You don't have any right
I am simply having fun
being myself
thats all I can do.

It's my life
I'll crack it my way
don't try to explore
or dare to interfere
Let me be the way I am
I am having fun
I am not dumb

Stay away..
Peace.

Ata,
The piece is excellent .
the flow of thoughts are flawless.
you have surged in your urge,
dont purge your urge.

But ,
to urge is to desire and when you desire you act;
which is a responsible act .
so the "deserve" you acheive by urging is responsibility .

A virgin is parent who desires and deserves a child or a result .
so be a parent in your thoughts and not a virgin .
A virgin is one who is on a verge but not in .
so be in and not on the verge .
I know there are people who will take the meaning of virgin on its street value ,
but nonetheless one who knows the naunces of the language do not ponder but splurge on its sweet meanings .
you surge ahead of the word to its real meaning .

Good,
keep urging and make your father your best friend ,
for he keeps you as his best friend ,
as he was to his father , as son , as the best of friends.

keep blogging responsibily ,
Saadullah ,
Your father .

When You go past an ice-cream stall and desire an ice-cream, that’s called Urge .
When You pay no heed to that Urge and continue to follow Your path because of sheer laziness, that’s called stupidity.I have another name for it too however I wish to preserve my respect .

There are so many times when You wish that the unimaginable intensity of the Urge could be controlled and most of the time the wish is denied and You end up ignoring it . An Urge, very instinctive , generates a strong restless desire which crosses the limits and the boundaries of passion itself . The Urge I am talking about is momentary but then the events which follow it freeze to be the moments of Your life . Urge is instinctive . It is not planned . It can never be planned .

You are here reading and I am here writing because of our Urge . You and I are a result of this urge . I am not here to write definitions of Urge but the only reason I am writing this is because of the Urge,the desire, to write .

I Urge to do something and then ditch the whole set up by backing out .I Urge to do something and then suffer from what they call laziness .In fact laziness might not be the word. Procrastination suits perfectly .There is a very thin line between laziness and procrastination.The former and the latter know exactly where they stand .

You Urge to get flowers for Your someone .But drop it because You might seem over romantic .
You Urge to make sure that Your someone reaches college or office or home safely .But You back out stating to yourself that “give that person some space”.You Urge to talk to Your dad .
But You would rather talk to a friend .You still Urge to get Yourself back on track , Urge to become more responsible .But yet You feel You have Your whole life to desire , to Urge .

Numerous days , numerous hours , numerous seconds , yet the Urge continues . Urge is dangerous . Dangerous because of the fact that when You Urge , You procrastinate or at least I . My Urge goes beyond the level of my imagination . I desire unknowingly and also in fact knowing
that it will not fulfill and knowing well enough that my Urge will only be a desire . It will remain a desire .

But yet I desire , I urge .In a hope that someday my desires would be complete .In a hope that my instincts are not demotivated by the events that follow the Urge .I have always urged and have always felt the need to crush the desire .I hope this post of mine helps me twain my Urge and the events that follow .In hope ,I can only Urge .Still in hope,I wish to Urge , even more.

The scene is dull with Mozart playing their way in the background. Twin tubes fixed at just enough elevation to be able to read, flickers. The writer ponders and ponders over and over at every flicker as to who is the manufacturer of the tube.Just then an inside voice shouting at the top of its minimum maximum voice telling me to, “hey look up !” .

The scene is set to write.
To write whatever comes to my mind.
This mind of mine is very unpredictable.
Unpredictable is also the climate.
The climate makes me feel like an African.
An African has no option but to bear the brunt of the heat which is bestowed on him by the lord or let’s just put it in the atheist version, the nature.
The nature that I am made of is very unpredictable.
Being unpredictable always means that I end up thinking or doing just the thing that I wanted to do but in a way I do not understand why I am doing it.
I know you understand none of it.
But at least try pretending to.
I think and end up getting to the same point where I start.
So I start from where I started.

The scene has been set up for writing and
Now I am in the mood of it.
Sorry for the trouble.

I recall scenes when some very dear friends of mine ask me to write more so that they can read more.
I recall thoughts where I find myself thinking, do they really want me to write or are they just going around praising the posts I write.
I recall my passion to get satisfaction form the compliments I receive.
I end up doing nothing but just recall the scene that I started with.
The inner voice still tries hard to tell that the compliments are for real and ever genuine and thus started its domination.

My life is damn circle. Life is viscous circle they say. I never did believe it. I am left with no choice but to believe.

The writer wishes that those friends of mine understand what he writes down or at least try pretending to do so.
The writer still wishes he would get his share of compliment and comments.
The writer wishes he could go back to the scene he loved to live.
The writer still wishes to wish .
The writer stills his thoughts and wishes to still his life .

and thus wishing so,
and knowing that some wishes just follow the path of impossibility, do not come true .

So, the writer wishes to end, not knowing if this is the right place.
but always wishing that the end is always right .

Relationships I have been in seem to have 'almost' glued on it. where ever I go , whoever I be with , whatever I do , the 'almost' never goes away . It never wears off. How I wish I would be ‘complete’. How I wish I would be associated with completeness. How I wish things would just be complete.

Friends I have taken an oath to die along, have been mocking this infamous ability of mine to leave things on an almost note, always , and I cannot help but grin and crib on the inside. It hurts when I am not completing stuff. It hurts even more when the almost relationship gets pulled and lost into completeness with some other complete person.

There have been instances when I am in a relationship and come out of it, get into it once again, come out of it again. The sequence continuing and dwelling itself into an almost state, state which only tends to instigate fear and hostility. Such an almost state has always been despised and yet has been stuck to me like a spell.I would lose this jinx only when I am constantly getting the complete in place of an almost.

There have also been instances when I get into a relationship with a almost printed on it since the very beginning and I keep looking at it and wait for it to spell complete .In such a relationship is that you never can figure out what is happening . You are always under uncertainties of truth and uncertain is how u move and uncertain is how you love.

I have long started to feel suicidal because everything I want does not come to me, everything I want does not want me. The feeling grows larger when everything I tried to work for ended up not being mine and things I do not work for become mine and stick to me forever. Sometimes I wonder how things are left at almost with me, analyzing does not help a bit and neither killing my thoughts .

All my life, I have lived for the other.
All my life, I have lived for me.
All my life, I keep being upset about the almost.
All my life, this will go on and on.

And,

All my life, will I be writing posts after posts about my fates here?
All my life, will I be telling you my miseries?

All my life, would I be writing uninteresting long tales about myself?

No,
All my life, I will be pondering on my mistakes and healing them.
All my life, I will be healing the almost and
All my life, I will be writing in this very place.

All my life, I will be me.
All my life, I will be with you.

All my life, I will feel you .
All my life , I will be mine .
All my life, I will be in thought.

And then,
My life will be all.

THE FOLLOWING FOUR POSTS HAVE BEEN MY FIRST REAL WORK . I HAVE WRITTEN THESE MOVIE REVIEWS AND ACTOR REVIEWS FOR A WEBSITE, AND GUESS WHAT I GET PAID FOR IT ;) AND HERE IT GOES .

Earlier patriotism in Hindi films often turned jingoistic. It looked forced, at times unreal, it often looked like an attempt to unnecessarily arouse patriotism and nothing seemed to happen. . The genre is treated differently today. Patriotism in Hindi films looks real and more importantly it looks from the view of the common man and the youth.

Director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra merges two plots in RANG DE BASANTI. The first is about a group of friends, their bonding, and the carefree lifestyle they lead. The second plot pertains to the past, when freedom fighters sacrificed their lives during the pre-independence era. Without doubt, portions of the movie prick my conscience.

Mehra draws parallels between Indians ruled by the British and Indians ruled by corrupt politicians today. The message is subtle at first, but echoes piercingly before it reaches its finale. The transition of the five friends from meaningless to meaningful existence is done brilliantly.The awakening, after one of their friends dies in an air crash, is master strokes from the writing point of view, the sequence of events that lead to the climax take an idealistic route. The friends enter a radio station, force the staffers to leave the premises, go Live, confess to the world that they’ve gunned down the Defence Minister for certain reasons. By then, the commandos get into action and the radio station turns into a battleground.

Also, RANG DE BASANTI unfolds at a leisurely pace all through. After establishing the characters in the first 30 minutes, the story doesn’t really race forward instead it created a vision for me and I would say oh! I need to be this guy or I need to be that guy . I need to do that; I need to do this from now on.

Products of modern India, the five youngsters initially refuse to be part of the project as they don't identify with these characters from the past. Not surprising, considering that they are a part of a generation of Indians that believes in consumerism. To them issues like patriotism and giving one's life for one's beliefs is the stuff text-books are made of. They would rather party than be patriots.

To conclude on a heavier note, I loved the film on respects of its patriotism and the youthness that it had. The portrayal of transition and portrayal of fun would not be missed. I would actually be so generous to rank it as the movie of the decade. Some have been even more generous. I love the film even more for the realness of display of reaction by the youngsters of different colleges after the gun down by the commandos. I loved the movie because of the on air scenes in the radio station and lastly I loved the movie because I saw myself in the movie .

A movie where you see gore being so beautifully portrayed is not a gore movie, it’s called a wonderful movie. 300 is about 300 Spartans who fight till the last man against a Persian king Xerxes and his army of over a million soldiers . Since birth Spartans have been trained to fight mercilessly and the biggest honor for them is to die while fighting, an honor even bigger than that of the getting victory to the state that was Sparta. Sometimes when you look at the 6 pack abs of the Spartans holding a spear in one hand and a shield in another conjures up jealousy and demands the viewer to actually cry out and ask himself why does he not have those abs!
300 is an adaptation of a novel by frank miller. Little did someone know that a novel to movie culture would give the producer never stagnant bank account? But almost all the credit for the awesome display of war scenes and individual fights goes to that of the graphics and the special effects team.

And all the credit goes to the script writers and the dialogue writers. Dialogues like “tonight we dine in hell”
“Madness? This is Sparta!”
“Give them nothing but take from them everything”, will take your breath way because the delivery is just perfect.

The background music is way from awesome because without the music the movie would have been just plain. It was the music which added effects to the battle scenes. Some of the scenes were blatantly hilarious like the one when the Spartan king eats an apple so casually amidst hundreds of the dead.

I’m glad this movie didn’t pretend to be anything more than what it was marketed to be. It was marketed as a visual treat, and who can say it wasn’t? It was marketed as a straight-up, no holds-barred war movie, and who can say it wasn’t? The cheesy love scenes with the queen in a movie, 300 six-packed testosterone-and-adrenaline-filled dudes on a killing spree would have satisfied me enough yet I’m not going to complain about a naked woman.

If you happen not to know anything about the lady then let me just give you a briefing on her. Shushmita was born a Bengali. In 1994, at the age of eighteen, Shushmita won the title of Miss India narrowly beating out Aishwarya Rai, who was the favorite to win the contest. At Miss Universe, the judges placed their votes on Shushmita, making her the first woman from India to become Miss Universe. So soon began her career in bollywood and thus fame struck her.

Shushmita's movies with Shahrukh khan claimed honor for her and thus fame being a by product of it, paved its way to her. The reason of her admiration by me is because of the fact that her screen presence is woah! Ever noticed someone capturing the frame along with Shahrukh Khan and gathering attention? Well, needless to say I did.

There have been so many movies of her that crashed at the bollywood and in the recent times she has not been getting any real acting contracts but during her peak period which was in her late 20’s she got some offers which anyone would die for . Apart from the screen presence the reason for the dreams of the long legged lady has been because of the person she is. About 8 years ago a girl called Renee was adopted by her and since then she has been a single mother of her and has done the job very efficiently and I respect her for that since it’s not easy as a single mother and then juggling between Renee and her boyfriends is even tougher.

Though she has had a patch in the acting career, she has been very instinctive on accepting offers and putting her money in production houses and movies. She has also been receiving money for the endorsement so you know where the money comes from. I know there is not any sufficient reason for me to actually term her as one of my favorite actor but there has not been sufficient reason to deny that too.

The person whose name is entitled on the top is being called the king of bollywood not on the mere talent of acting but on being a total showman . SRK as people usually call him or if they feel he is greater than that of the name itself, they would call him King Khan .He has been in the industry for about 20 years, each year having one or more blockbusters in the box office. Something about Shahrukh khan which everyone knows is his inept ability to actually prepare graciously for what he wants and then deliver it even more graciously.

SRK falls into my very few list of favorite actors only because of the way he carries and charms the other. The other being a person, a group, media or an audience. Be it stage shows, movies, press releases, conferences or advertisements or wait did I forget marketing? Sometimes and larger than sometimes I have felt my growing need to term him as my idol not because he looks good or not because he is actor trained but because of the person he is. I could have happily chosen my dad as my idol but this guy, Shahrukh khan takes a better place than my dad for obvious reasons.

There have been innumerable movies of SRK that rose till the peak of box office and there have been innumerable movies that crashed to the deepest level of the prestigious box office, but his reputation, income and image has always been rising only for the fact that he will carry himself in such a way that the second or the third person would feel woah ! this is the man !

If you know what I am talking about then you must know how he got to one of the top bidders for IPL(Indian Premier League)

If you know what I am talking about then you must know how well he marketed for Om Shanti Om.

If you know what I am talking about then you must know the humor he generates for the people.

If you know what I am talking about then you must be knowing how he got to sit on the same platform with business tycoons in a Press conference and delivering meaning to his speech along with those of the Ambanis,Cement czars, Deccans, Kingfishers and the Zinta’s.

Do you know of anyone who would live for the people instead of himself or rather for the work instead of himself, well except for the politicians?I know all these qualities are of a business man and not an actor but someone once said, “To run business you should know how to act”. And guess what SRK has an added advantage of being a trained one.

Let me just start with asking do you know what you want?
So many times have I asked myself, what do I really want?

So many times have I tried asking the others by hinting or being blatant enough, but I get just the opposite.

Is this the truth that no body knows what they want?
Do we really not know what we want?
Oh come on, how can someone not know what he wants?

Still, the very question of what do I want spins around in my head.
Its 21 years from the womb and I am still not able to figure out what I really want!!!!!!

Sometimes what I want is very specific
Sometimes it goes to various depths
People, to whom I tell my aspirations, tell me, oh that! Hmm and I know the very second that they think I would not be able to make it. They know it cause I make such mind blowing plans , blue prints keep folding in my head and then when its actually the time to put them to work , I back off telling myself , lite le baap !

Seeing people fascinated me and still does so.
Seeing stills and movements will always be a part of it.
Sometimes all I really want to do is sit at a place and think, imagine, paint my thoughts in the mind. And to think of it, all I really want to do is think!

If you give me a 100000 today and you want me to do anything I like, I would assign a Personal Manager first, my thoughts would be put on a paper and then I would ask him to carry those thoughts into reality. Yes, I like the comfortable sack I sit on.

But at the end of the day all I get is responsibilities, and I am sick of all of it. I wanna be myself, be alone and think. Thinking and writing and reading and listening to music are the only few things I have a passion about.

When someone asks, what are your passions I will surely tell one day that I love to think.
I know thinking is just a process, a human process like breathing but lately, “thinking” is what I do all the time.
I wake up and think about how my day is gonna be.
I brush and think about yesterday while staring at the mirror.
And when I notice I am thinking too much, I think time is up.
I need to rush, and then I think about what my room has become of.
I go by the roads I think about the people, I am marveled by the acts, sometimes optimism for Hyderabad’s development springs up.
Sometimes thinking about the children playing on the streets cuts the thoughts, and then I venture into my school and think about how I royally screwed up my school life.

I think about what I am gonna do and then there comes a thought which bears the question of what am I gonna do after this.And then I think of the uncertainties of the word ‘future’ and then I think of what I should write in my blog

Thinking has also lately been a very integral part of my life.
When I think too much and in the process stop talking to my friends, I get a kick on my ass
It kinda helps because then I think about the itch on my ass.