ATAullah's thingy

When on the threshold of 20 years , everything which a normal guy would have gone through,I had been through.Well the following is just the reflection of those ironic years .Today , If I want to look back at those years the only way to do that is to be pensive or to look at this post .

19 years passed
and I am yet to explore myself
feel like I am an angel
turning into a demon

The light is fading
and I am hoping for the sun
but I am still wondering
where can i find a gun?

Every passing second
felt worth a year
no breathe,no voice
I can hear.

Sinking in my hell
deeper and deeper.
Waiting for someone
to lift me up.
I am so weak
can't pull myself together
don't really know who I am.

Thoughts flowing all around
making me clumsy and clumsier
Ironic as it may sound
it seems I am about to touch heaven

You taught me how to breathe,
how to hide,
how to leave,
how to choke,and
You taught me how to eat.

Its better to bury myself
because I can't pretend
to be like them
I am not like them
all I've is
being true to myself
be yourself is all that You can do

I wish I was like You
easily amused
but I am not like them
I cant pretend
I love myself more than You
I know it's wrong,
what should i do.
everything is my fault
I take all the blame..

What else should I write,
I don't have any right
what else should I write,
I don't have any apologies
it's the season
I am the reason
I've seen all
I've grown fast

Lightning fucking around in my head
fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up.
people freaking everyday
white lights inside asking,
what do You want

Please don't grade me
You don't have any right
I am simply having fun
being myself
thats all I can do.

It's my life
I'll crack it my way
don't try to explore
or dare to interfere
Let me be the way I am
I am having fun
I am not dumb

Stay away..
Peace.