ATAullah's thingy

Relationships I have been in seem to have 'almost' glued on it. where ever I go , whoever I be with , whatever I do , the 'almost' never goes away . It never wears off. How I wish I would be ‘complete’. How I wish I would be associated with completeness. How I wish things would just be complete.

Friends I have taken an oath to die along, have been mocking this infamous ability of mine to leave things on an almost note, always , and I cannot help but grin and crib on the inside. It hurts when I am not completing stuff. It hurts even more when the almost relationship gets pulled and lost into completeness with some other complete person.

There have been instances when I am in a relationship and come out of it, get into it once again, come out of it again. The sequence continuing and dwelling itself into an almost state, state which only tends to instigate fear and hostility. Such an almost state has always been despised and yet has been stuck to me like a spell.I would lose this jinx only when I am constantly getting the complete in place of an almost.

There have also been instances when I get into a relationship with a almost printed on it since the very beginning and I keep looking at it and wait for it to spell complete .In such a relationship is that you never can figure out what is happening . You are always under uncertainties of truth and uncertain is how u move and uncertain is how you love.

I have long started to feel suicidal because everything I want does not come to me, everything I want does not want me. The feeling grows larger when everything I tried to work for ended up not being mine and things I do not work for become mine and stick to me forever. Sometimes I wonder how things are left at almost with me, analyzing does not help a bit and neither killing my thoughts .

All my life, I have lived for the other.
All my life, I have lived for me.
All my life, I keep being upset about the almost.
All my life, this will go on and on.

And,

All my life, will I be writing posts after posts about my fates here?
All my life, will I be telling you my miseries?

All my life, would I be writing uninteresting long tales about myself?

No,
All my life, I will be pondering on my mistakes and healing them.
All my life, I will be healing the almost and
All my life, I will be writing in this very place.

All my life, I will be me.
All my life, I will be with you.

All my life, I will feel you .
All my life , I will be mine .
All my life, I will be in thought.

And then,
My life will be all.

THE FOLLOWING FOUR POSTS HAVE BEEN MY FIRST REAL WORK . I HAVE WRITTEN THESE MOVIE REVIEWS AND ACTOR REVIEWS FOR A WEBSITE, AND GUESS WHAT I GET PAID FOR IT ;) AND HERE IT GOES .

Earlier patriotism in Hindi films often turned jingoistic. It looked forced, at times unreal, it often looked like an attempt to unnecessarily arouse patriotism and nothing seemed to happen. . The genre is treated differently today. Patriotism in Hindi films looks real and more importantly it looks from the view of the common man and the youth.

Director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra merges two plots in RANG DE BASANTI. The first is about a group of friends, their bonding, and the carefree lifestyle they lead. The second plot pertains to the past, when freedom fighters sacrificed their lives during the pre-independence era. Without doubt, portions of the movie prick my conscience.

Mehra draws parallels between Indians ruled by the British and Indians ruled by corrupt politicians today. The message is subtle at first, but echoes piercingly before it reaches its finale. The transition of the five friends from meaningless to meaningful existence is done brilliantly.The awakening, after one of their friends dies in an air crash, is master strokes from the writing point of view, the sequence of events that lead to the climax take an idealistic route. The friends enter a radio station, force the staffers to leave the premises, go Live, confess to the world that they’ve gunned down the Defence Minister for certain reasons. By then, the commandos get into action and the radio station turns into a battleground.

Also, RANG DE BASANTI unfolds at a leisurely pace all through. After establishing the characters in the first 30 minutes, the story doesn’t really race forward instead it created a vision for me and I would say oh! I need to be this guy or I need to be that guy . I need to do that; I need to do this from now on.

Products of modern India, the five youngsters initially refuse to be part of the project as they don't identify with these characters from the past. Not surprising, considering that they are a part of a generation of Indians that believes in consumerism. To them issues like patriotism and giving one's life for one's beliefs is the stuff text-books are made of. They would rather party than be patriots.

To conclude on a heavier note, I loved the film on respects of its patriotism and the youthness that it had. The portrayal of transition and portrayal of fun would not be missed. I would actually be so generous to rank it as the movie of the decade. Some have been even more generous. I love the film even more for the realness of display of reaction by the youngsters of different colleges after the gun down by the commandos. I loved the movie because of the on air scenes in the radio station and lastly I loved the movie because I saw myself in the movie .

A movie where you see gore being so beautifully portrayed is not a gore movie, it’s called a wonderful movie. 300 is about 300 Spartans who fight till the last man against a Persian king Xerxes and his army of over a million soldiers . Since birth Spartans have been trained to fight mercilessly and the biggest honor for them is to die while fighting, an honor even bigger than that of the getting victory to the state that was Sparta. Sometimes when you look at the 6 pack abs of the Spartans holding a spear in one hand and a shield in another conjures up jealousy and demands the viewer to actually cry out and ask himself why does he not have those abs!
300 is an adaptation of a novel by frank miller. Little did someone know that a novel to movie culture would give the producer never stagnant bank account? But almost all the credit for the awesome display of war scenes and individual fights goes to that of the graphics and the special effects team.

And all the credit goes to the script writers and the dialogue writers. Dialogues like “tonight we dine in hell”
“Madness? This is Sparta!”
“Give them nothing but take from them everything”, will take your breath way because the delivery is just perfect.

The background music is way from awesome because without the music the movie would have been just plain. It was the music which added effects to the battle scenes. Some of the scenes were blatantly hilarious like the one when the Spartan king eats an apple so casually amidst hundreds of the dead.

I’m glad this movie didn’t pretend to be anything more than what it was marketed to be. It was marketed as a visual treat, and who can say it wasn’t? It was marketed as a straight-up, no holds-barred war movie, and who can say it wasn’t? The cheesy love scenes with the queen in a movie, 300 six-packed testosterone-and-adrenaline-filled dudes on a killing spree would have satisfied me enough yet I’m not going to complain about a naked woman.

If you happen not to know anything about the lady then let me just give you a briefing on her. Shushmita was born a Bengali. In 1994, at the age of eighteen, Shushmita won the title of Miss India narrowly beating out Aishwarya Rai, who was the favorite to win the contest. At Miss Universe, the judges placed their votes on Shushmita, making her the first woman from India to become Miss Universe. So soon began her career in bollywood and thus fame struck her.

Shushmita's movies with Shahrukh khan claimed honor for her and thus fame being a by product of it, paved its way to her. The reason of her admiration by me is because of the fact that her screen presence is woah! Ever noticed someone capturing the frame along with Shahrukh Khan and gathering attention? Well, needless to say I did.

There have been so many movies of her that crashed at the bollywood and in the recent times she has not been getting any real acting contracts but during her peak period which was in her late 20’s she got some offers which anyone would die for . Apart from the screen presence the reason for the dreams of the long legged lady has been because of the person she is. About 8 years ago a girl called Renee was adopted by her and since then she has been a single mother of her and has done the job very efficiently and I respect her for that since it’s not easy as a single mother and then juggling between Renee and her boyfriends is even tougher.

Though she has had a patch in the acting career, she has been very instinctive on accepting offers and putting her money in production houses and movies. She has also been receiving money for the endorsement so you know where the money comes from. I know there is not any sufficient reason for me to actually term her as one of my favorite actor but there has not been sufficient reason to deny that too.

The person whose name is entitled on the top is being called the king of bollywood not on the mere talent of acting but on being a total showman . SRK as people usually call him or if they feel he is greater than that of the name itself, they would call him King Khan .He has been in the industry for about 20 years, each year having one or more blockbusters in the box office. Something about Shahrukh khan which everyone knows is his inept ability to actually prepare graciously for what he wants and then deliver it even more graciously.

SRK falls into my very few list of favorite actors only because of the way he carries and charms the other. The other being a person, a group, media or an audience. Be it stage shows, movies, press releases, conferences or advertisements or wait did I forget marketing? Sometimes and larger than sometimes I have felt my growing need to term him as my idol not because he looks good or not because he is actor trained but because of the person he is. I could have happily chosen my dad as my idol but this guy, Shahrukh khan takes a better place than my dad for obvious reasons.

There have been innumerable movies of SRK that rose till the peak of box office and there have been innumerable movies that crashed to the deepest level of the prestigious box office, but his reputation, income and image has always been rising only for the fact that he will carry himself in such a way that the second or the third person would feel woah ! this is the man !

If you know what I am talking about then you must know how he got to one of the top bidders for IPL(Indian Premier League)

If you know what I am talking about then you must know how well he marketed for Om Shanti Om.

If you know what I am talking about then you must know the humor he generates for the people.

If you know what I am talking about then you must be knowing how he got to sit on the same platform with business tycoons in a Press conference and delivering meaning to his speech along with those of the Ambanis,Cement czars, Deccans, Kingfishers and the Zinta’s.

Do you know of anyone who would live for the people instead of himself or rather for the work instead of himself, well except for the politicians?I know all these qualities are of a business man and not an actor but someone once said, “To run business you should know how to act”. And guess what SRK has an added advantage of being a trained one.

Let me just start with asking do you know what you want?
So many times have I asked myself, what do I really want?

So many times have I tried asking the others by hinting or being blatant enough, but I get just the opposite.

Is this the truth that no body knows what they want?
Do we really not know what we want?
Oh come on, how can someone not know what he wants?

Still, the very question of what do I want spins around in my head.
Its 21 years from the womb and I am still not able to figure out what I really want!!!!!!

Sometimes what I want is very specific
Sometimes it goes to various depths
People, to whom I tell my aspirations, tell me, oh that! Hmm and I know the very second that they think I would not be able to make it. They know it cause I make such mind blowing plans , blue prints keep folding in my head and then when its actually the time to put them to work , I back off telling myself , lite le baap !

Seeing people fascinated me and still does so.
Seeing stills and movements will always be a part of it.
Sometimes all I really want to do is sit at a place and think, imagine, paint my thoughts in the mind. And to think of it, all I really want to do is think!

If you give me a 100000 today and you want me to do anything I like, I would assign a Personal Manager first, my thoughts would be put on a paper and then I would ask him to carry those thoughts into reality. Yes, I like the comfortable sack I sit on.

But at the end of the day all I get is responsibilities, and I am sick of all of it. I wanna be myself, be alone and think. Thinking and writing and reading and listening to music are the only few things I have a passion about.

When someone asks, what are your passions I will surely tell one day that I love to think.
I know thinking is just a process, a human process like breathing but lately, “thinking” is what I do all the time.
I wake up and think about how my day is gonna be.
I brush and think about yesterday while staring at the mirror.
And when I notice I am thinking too much, I think time is up.
I need to rush, and then I think about what my room has become of.
I go by the roads I think about the people, I am marveled by the acts, sometimes optimism for Hyderabad’s development springs up.
Sometimes thinking about the children playing on the streets cuts the thoughts, and then I venture into my school and think about how I royally screwed up my school life.

I think about what I am gonna do and then there comes a thought which bears the question of what am I gonna do after this.And then I think of the uncertainties of the word ‘future’ and then I think of what I should write in my blog

Thinking has also lately been a very integral part of my life.
When I think too much and in the process stop talking to my friends, I get a kick on my ass
It kinda helps because then I think about the itch on my ass.

oh if u are still wondering my state .
i got a bloody 28
hows this for screwing up my fate ?
did i mention to you earlier,mate ?
St.Mary's College is where i ate .

and oh if u also wonder how i fared in tally ?
it was a cake walk with a cherry being the finale.
Everything was my compute .
sheets filled by me despised copying and i followed suit .
but i also think about the other .
so i let the another , copy .
but this time i was not an inch sloppy .

oh and if u are also wondering how the external played her game ?
or rather i claimed my acclaim .
or may be that's what i think
but who cares as long as i win and she blinks .
this time it was me who was playing the tune
and she who was having fun holding the flute .