ATAullah's thingy

I’ve been writing about stuff happening to me and stuff not happening to me . Stuff I dislike and stuff I like. I have been seeking satisfaction, comments and stuff from my posts. I have been wanting to act philosopher, funny, lover, responsible. I have been wanting and I'm wanted to do lots of stuff for my blog too . Things ain't happening. The things I have to do don’t excite me and the things I want to do don’t excite me either. I have been seeing , comparing and observing people. They don’t excite me either.

All that excites me is a steady long ride at nights with no traffic on the roads of Hyderabad. Music excites me along with issues concerning the my friends, my society and the world at large. Talking about politics excites me . Talking about how Hyderabad would develop excites me.

Being all alone excites me. At the same time being with friends and sipping coffee excites me. News excites me and so does fashion shows. Contradicting the very thoughts of my dad and talking to myself about it excites me. Hugging my mom when I disappoint her and then kicking my bro’s ass excites me. Teasing people I don’t know excites me and then thinking of what all excites me, excites me.

I have been through hell and back in heaven again. My life was shattered into pieces and then someone sticks it with cello tapes not bothering to even cut the ends with scissors. I have been sticking to places and people , the effects wearing off slowly. And then time glued the pieces together. Now the pieces won’t come off even when one prays for a miracle.

No one would really understand what I have written out here even if one tried to .I do not really want them to either. But I have been through shit in school. Lessons I have learnt then and the scars it gave me were very grave. Things changed when I joined a new school, My +2, , my renaissance, I felt like a phoenix from the ashes. Things were so good in college. Now I am on the verge of ending college , things still move so swiftly .

But the cycle of life would not leave a person till death .the phoenix wants to die now. It feels on the verge of loosing it. I do not know what I am doing. Nothing excites me now. Nothing of the above. All I would like to do is sleep while I whine and whine when I sleep. All that excites me is this and all that excites me is that. I chose not to mention it. Now ,I chose not to talk about it. I wish I would die. I wish I would be listening when I die.