ATAullah's thingy

I’ve been writing about stuff happening to me and stuff not happening to me . Stuff I dislike and stuff I like. I have been seeking satisfaction, comments and stuff from my posts. I have been wanting to act philosopher, funny, lover, responsible. I have been wanting and I'm wanted to do lots of stuff for my blog too . Things ain't happening. The things I have to do don’t excite me and the things I want to do don’t excite me either. I have been seeing , comparing and observing people. They don’t excite me either.

All that excites me is a steady long ride at nights with no traffic on the roads of Hyderabad. Music excites me along with issues concerning the my friends, my society and the world at large. Talking about politics excites me . Talking about how Hyderabad would develop excites me.

Being all alone excites me. At the same time being with friends and sipping coffee excites me. News excites me and so does fashion shows. Contradicting the very thoughts of my dad and talking to myself about it excites me. Hugging my mom when I disappoint her and then kicking my bro’s ass excites me. Teasing people I don’t know excites me and then thinking of what all excites me, excites me.

I have been through hell and back in heaven again. My life was shattered into pieces and then someone sticks it with cello tapes not bothering to even cut the ends with scissors. I have been sticking to places and people , the effects wearing off slowly. And then time glued the pieces together. Now the pieces won’t come off even when one prays for a miracle.

No one would really understand what I have written out here even if one tried to .I do not really want them to either. But I have been through shit in school. Lessons I have learnt then and the scars it gave me were very grave. Things changed when I joined a new school, My +2, , my renaissance, I felt like a phoenix from the ashes. Things were so good in college. Now I am on the verge of ending college , things still move so swiftly .

But the cycle of life would not leave a person till death .the phoenix wants to die now. It feels on the verge of loosing it. I do not know what I am doing. Nothing excites me now. Nothing of the above. All I would like to do is sleep while I whine and whine when I sleep. All that excites me is this and all that excites me is that. I chose not to mention it. Now ,I chose not to talk about it. I wish I would die. I wish I would be listening when I die.

This is the best romantic song i have ever heard . i am not exaggerating when say i listened to it continuously for a day . the lyrics are just awe man ! Could even get my ear of it . lots of memories come alive when i listen to this . hope it does the same to you too . enjoy and sigh !
i present to you 'hey there delilah' by 'plain white t's'
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

I was in the exam hall staring at white walls thinking about what I was gonna do when I age and the limit of children I am gonna reproduce and thinking of the acts I am gonna do when I am gonna go to Delhi , then it hit me that somebody is calling me , ‘Ata !’ ‘Ata!’ look at what I drew! Look at what I drew! I had no other option but to say it was good, I did not want to hurt him.If he had even competed with a small kid , the smaller one would beat him clean . The glee and passion in is eyes to draw would all go down the drain when it gets on paper. I pity him.

Oh! Wondering why the hell is someone thinking about population control and family planning? Wondering why the hell is someone asking how well his drawing looks like ? Why the hell is someone throwing paper balls with the help of a primitive guller (a small stick in Y shape with rubber tied all around it and loosened enough to fit something in it and then hit with the object put inside)? And the bigger question is why the hell is anybody doing everything except write in an exam hall??? Didn’t I tell you earlier? Oh! Welcome to St.Mary’s college of science and management.

The drug of copying has played with me since the beginning. It did stuff with me forcing me to hide my phone under my sleeves and look into Google for the answers and writing , which I did not like a bit. Everybody in the hall was having a ball and I had been stricken with the copying bug n I had been filling sheets after sheets.

Now that I have copied and copied, I feel ashamed of myself, tempting me to even play a pretend literal dumb game. I did not feel like talking to anyone for the whole day, just been to myself, eating and listening to alternative rock was the thing of the day and sleeping topped the list. My examination life is ruined because of the drug and now it says, “Hah! Look what I did to you, better luck next time and TRUST ME (translate it in polish for better understanding)”

P.S- if u still cannot figure out what the drug said in polish , then get a taste of the equation below

trust me = fuck you

Were u ever satisfied after you’ve written your exams?

Did you ever turn insane just before the exam?

Did u ever happen to be awake the whole night just to study for a subject for a bloody mid term exam?

Did u ever write any exam without copying!

I happened to feel, do and be every bit of the above. It was like the paper was drawn in my memory all through. I tackled the paper with so much ease. Never ever thought the images which I kept clicking from my phone of the possible answers from every angle possible would be useless. I was happy man! I was happy after leaving the exam hall. It was like when a woman has sex and the smile just cannot fade away form her face. Wait! I ain't comparing myself to women neither am I comparing sex to an exam but hell yeah! the latter is true .

I used to be a master of copying. People would look in awe, “how the hell does he do that“, and that would be their reaction. There was not a single test or an exam where I would not forget to get answers on paper photocopied into small sheets. I even got inspired by history, I used to write answers and roll them into a scroll and then my fingers played their part.

And then just before today’s exam technology blessed me and more importantly Google , with a flash I would take out my phone and type in whatever I wanted to answer and lo , It would be there for me . I would actually keep all these scrolls which I used to make everyplace possible. I was also the supplier of answers in the exam hall. Guess where I earned my respect?!

People ask me why? Why, do I have to copy for a mid term exam? Its just a mid term exam baap , thand le , they tell. But it had become a drug for me, I got addicted to it. I had to pay something to lose it. Yes, I paid. I paid for the whole night , I paid my sleep , I paid for my missed calls , I paid for my missed messages , I paid for the movie I missed too ! I even had to make up for not coming for the movie. I had to treat everyone at mocha. You eventually have to pay for everything you do and do not do. Life’s good J

Since the past three days I have been up at 4 in the morning,
Since the past three days I have seen changes within me ,
Since the past three days every single situation forces me to learn a lesson n change myself . I have been changing and so has my blog :)
I do not know why i get up at that hour . Not that i really really wanted to get up but i had absolutely no choice . I did not plan it either . I just woke up ! woke up to my instincts . it was as if they were shouting , ' get up asshole ' i obeyed them , i woudnt want to fight my instincts , they gave me life all through these 20 years. they are the best i hfave . they are more like best friends . you know the ones who just cant fail you anytime and you can rely on it any given time . but my instinct friend is an ass though he is unique , has mood swings and blah blah blah and when he turns an ass i resort to knowledge and intelligence , that includes setting up an alarm .
I actually cannot reckon what my instinct wants me to do when it wakes me early in the morning , i can only guess though. Does it want me to study ? that ain't happening cause i am on the PC all teh time . Does it want me to think ? that aint happening either cause hard rock and metal do not allow me to think while hearing or Does it want me to pray ? that aint happenign either , so much so that i want to . but aint happening .
But whatever it 'is' and 'was' my instinct is always right and knows the best for me aah !!! wait wait ! I know why it wants me to get up , It wants me to pee ;)

Moments ago , on my bike while the wind caressing my messy short hair , i saw a very stunningly sad sight . It was more like a reflection of how ignorant we really are . A woman partially covered in a torn cloth just enough to leave a breast exposed in the busy street of husaini alam , the chilly night playing its part . The problem was not the cold but the cold hearts . None on the entire street had the courage and the sense of responsibility to give the woman a piece of cloth to cover less than a meter of flesh ! Not even me . But i can bet on t that everybody had his own ways of trying to help the woman but no one could actually get off the social mask from them . No one would want to get involved. Everyone is happy with teh way things are .
Things started moving around rapidly in my head , i wanted to help teh woman , cover her , take her to some place where she could be safe and healthy . i couldnt ! i just couldnt . i knew if i wnted to , i could mke just 2 calls and pay less than 100 rupees and take teh woman to a safe place but no , i couldnt ! i could have also got blanket from home and covered her with it . but no i couldnt !
There is a larger picture to this , the reason why nothign really is happenign and developing is because me , you , us do not take teh pains in dealing with somehting which does not matter to us or which does not give us anything in return .

Two modest alphabets .

Placed side by side however , they form a word potent enough to turn a seething mass of people into a nation .

DO

The last time we decided to turn froma land of philosophers into a nation of do-ers ? Or are we goign to keep thinking about what we should be doing instead of doing something about what we're thinking ?

Are we going to continue talking about our infrastructure and our potholes and our property prices and our healthcare ? Or are we goign to use that telephone , that shovel , that PIL , that ballot paper and so something to make it happen ?

The truth is this .

Thinking can only happen from an armchair but doing must happen on your feet . Thinking may be a great way to get things started but doing is the only wat to get things done .

And lets face it , you're never really caught up in teh traffic jam . You are the traffic jam .

So , lets stop basking in our glorious past or day dreaming about our magnificient future . Let's do something about dominating today .

And domination starts with the word Do .

New expressways . DND flyways . 8 lane roads . Picturesque highways . If roads are the lifelines of a modern state , then ours is alive and kicking . or is it ? Why do you swear when you pass through a puddle ? why is your face perptually creased while drivifn ? why does your new car look ages old in months ? why are traffic jams so routine ?the fact is that infrastructure develop,ent in the country has been sporadic and selective . Crumbling bridges are a common sight . Traffic on national highways (NH) has been growing rapidly , but the government hasn't been able to provide funds to match . Inadequate Highways have meant economic losses . True , credible efforts ave been made to improve the situation . Measures like allowing 100 percent foreign equity in construction and maintenance of roads and streamling the award of tenders will make a differnce . but these are just drops in the ocean .

Today , India is having a dream run and a booming economy . It shoudn't stumble on a feww potholes on the road .

Commonwealth Games in 2010 . Bids for Asian games in 2014 , Olymics in 2016 , India is taking bold steps to fashion itself as a sports hub . And why not ? We are passionate about sports .

Its great to be a sports star here . Small town boys can become national heroes overnight . Endorsements come in a flurry . You might even have a temple dedicated to you . But then why can you count the sports stars India has poduced on your fingertips ?

The Doha Asian Games had even Kazakhstan faring better than us , leave alone china . In global sports , we generally make news for allt he wrong reasons doping , failing gender tests and the like . Indian sports has just a meager Rs.292 crore for its development , while China allocates about Rs.4500 crore to sports . Out of 77 crore youngsters , 72 crores have no access to sports facilities . it gets even worse in rural areas .

Today , India is doing exceptionally well on many fronts , but not in sports , we need a sports renaissance , the sooner the better . For all the aspiring athelets and for the country .

The world's spotlights are focused on India . Our achievers are being appointed to the helm of the world's leading multinationals , and our companies getting ready to take over global players many times their size

The world's attention certainly feels good. But we know in our hearts that we still have a long long way to go . Rather than bask in the spoitlights , we need to get into action mode . the unique set of positive factors we enjoy today ( 8 % plus growth for four successive years , booming stock markets , political stability) will not last forever . We need to use this godsend opportunity to push through the next tier of reforms , to overhaul our mindsets and to undertake the more difficult legislations and poilcy enactmetns taht still remain .

We need to seize the moment !

A bout with resurrection,
The failure learning from mistakes
-our scars remind us that the past was real,
our scars are where Fate pierced us with cold steel.

The ways of Time-to inflict and forget,
Never too soon,never too late
-our scars are silent screams,
our scars are broken dreams.

Hollow songs mark your lies,
Empty Poetry repeats the Truth to none
-our scars are how Love hurt,
our scars were etched when we lost Hope.

Living upto the world that stretched us too far,
We cried,we bled when no one saw
-our scars tell us that the wounds will feel,
but our scars are those we’ll always feel.


Hailstorms of ideas,
Innovation inspired by the Gods,
But no one looks up.
Beauty in the innocence of age
And the world that kills it,
But no one looks up.

Our scars are only for us to know,
our scars are only for us to feel.

Are you so devoid of belief?
That you refuse to see
all that can see you...
The life all around
not made of the same ilk as you.
Floating above all of you,
I'm looking down at what you?ve become.

Has become, this world
all that you didn't want it to be.
I'm not you, I can take it, but can you?
The evidence staring you right in the face,
yet you refuse to see and look away.

All this pain is real,
do you think?
Or is it just a dream,
like I am.

Disclaimer : I am not the girl . As a matter of fact , I am not even a girl .

If you see me walking the road with someone else
Its not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me
If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Because you're not there to catch me fall
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him
Its you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.
Will Love Triumph?

Manzilein bhi us ki thi
Rasta bhi us ka tha
Ek main akela tha
Kafila bhi us ka tha
Saath saath chalne ki soch bhi us ki thi
Phir rasta badalne ka faisla bhi us ka tha.........
Aaj kyun akela hoon
Dil sawal karta hai
Log to us ke the
kia khuda bhi us ka hai.....

I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes


I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...

And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me

What the hell is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever


I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight

I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I'm just a kid tonight

I thought of dying
gazing into the black,seductive ice water
so glassy and so tranquil
I thought of dying
but in my place
Death's bony embrace
clutched listless children
gnawed by hunger;
prisoners on a death row
detritus of their own childhoods;
poor shepherds grazing blunt-toothed animals
on landmined hillsides

I thought of dying,
to throw myself away
so much landfill
if its no use to me
I could give it
I can holler with my lungs
at injustice
join my hands in protest
at brutality
I realized I had long been dead
but I could choose instead
to reawake
and be alive for them.

A droplet of water…
Plunged from the sky
And rested right into my palm…
I held it tight in…
Not letting go…
Was such a good feeling
My heart cant deny…
I saw a kernel..
And culled it right away
In my trance state...
Gotten form a delicious slumber…
I sowed it deep into the earth
Which held it as tight as though…
I put the droplet to its side
And man…i see a leaf out of it..
Jus another day…
Its surprising…though
How jus a handful of sand
Let sustain and give life
Wonders never cease…
Only people lose the sight…
I wake up and realize..
Its time for me to go …
And accomplish the dreams..
I had seen in my sleep
They have culminated..
Its time for me to get into action…
For I have to prove…
Dreams do come true..!!

We're not gonna be
Just apart of their game
We're not gonna be
Just the victims
They're taking our dreams
And they tear them apart
Til everyone's the same
I've got no place to go
I've got no where to run
They love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
Me against the world
It's me against the world

We won't let them change
How we feel in our hearts
We're not gonna let them control us
We won't let them shove
All their thoughts in our heads
And we'll never be like them

I've got no place to go
I've got no where to run
They love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I'm gonna prove them wrong
It's me against the world
Me against the world

Now I'm sick of this waiting
So come on and take your shot
You can spit all your insults
But nothing you say is gonna change us
You can sit there and judge me
Say what you want to
We'll never let you in

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've got to prove them wrong
They'll never bring us down

We'll never fall in line
I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

Right To Be Wrong magnify
I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
i`ve got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
i`ve got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I'm not made of stone
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down to long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe

I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

It was three AM when you woke me up
And we jumped in the car and drove as far

as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
It's all I need: one more day with you

When the car broke down
We just kept walkin along
Til we hit this town
There was nothing there at all
But that was all okay
We spent all our money on stupid things
But if I looked back now, I'd probably give it all away
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
But ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
It's all I need: one more day with you

Now I'm sittin here, like we used to do
I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right (Everything feels right)
Everytime I hear your name
Everytime I feel the same
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right

You walked away
Just one more day
It's all I need, just one more day with you

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look, I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They won't stop till they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshopped pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's World War III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
And money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?
Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUVs
While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something, something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

Sometimes I get a little too excited for my own good . It usually happens in the nights . So, I am left with no choice but to title that night THE Night. It was Naila's birthday , so we usually bank on the celebrity of that day to treat us . we really do not care whether it's lunch , breakfast or dinner . We really don't .

Junaid , a very close friend , and I planned to go along to a restaurant called Pennang . Although we care which restuarant that person takes us to . We have to . Pennang , a quiet and a cosy place , doe not have many people coming in to eat . So , it's generally a good place when You plan to spend some quality time with only Your friends . We do not usually venture into such places because of a very obvious reason, people of my age would very nearly understand, that we usually need a crowd to make us feel at place and comfortable so it doesn't really matter who You go out with , then .We are a tricky lot , us college goers .

Before I get on with this, let me introduce to You Naila and Junaid. It's very uncommon to for two extremes to be the closest of friends .From where I see , they are extremes in every possible way. Junaid is a very thin guy. He believes he only looks malnourished, but he is not .I have always been fascinated by the thought of knowing someone who is even thinner than me and I have always thought that I would then , surely respect and admire such a guy who comes along . .So , I really have to respect Junaid and whatever I write about him is purely out of respect . Well, Junaid is like a living model of skeleton and it can be placed even in Anatomy classes for studying in detail.Mind You , here comes the respect , He is one gem of a guy .A friend anyone would only dream of having and I have achieved the dream. He is humorous to the core , a thinker to some ,an entertainer to some , emotional to some and flirtatious to some. He can gel with anyone possible and that is exactly the quality I swear to develop even more. He has got the attitude needed to shake anyone which would provoke them look within one selves and question why the hell am i not being him? This is what this guy can do to You , beware.

(to be continued)