ATAullah's thingy

Haula: person who is stupid to the superlative degree of it. Rather, a person who is an ass, in my case.

I was sitting good on my bike which is often called khatara and very obviously. I have music banging in my ear always when on it. Not very far ahead I see this traffic police Qualis and a little further than that I see another traffic police swapping green into red on the star wars inspired sword look alike gadget. I very gladly being a good citizen with dare unimaginable, stopped at the signal. I waited waited waited for the signal to turn green. When you live in old city of Hyderabad and do stuff like this you get this, “arre haule!”

Just beside me I see another traffic police constable busy with challan-ing another of ‘the haula’ ,and I , I got caught by him . I made a straight face at him which I am pretty sure he gets it every time. I was not mad at the constable who caught me riding without helmet but I was mad at myself to have walked into a sure trap for myself. the signal constable had a trick here which I fell for , whenever he saw couple or more riders who did not have helmet on , he would flash the red signal and this would mean we have no where to go but lead ourselves into the trap . Damn you constable!

I, with no protest got led by him to the Qualis where the inspector was sitting. Another thing which I noticed about traffic constables is that they try to take you as far away from the Qualis only because they might get the cash instead of the government by us! Yes I am the haula of old city.

I get down from my bike will full style probably wanting him to think he has caught a fish and it would reward him in the long run. and look at what I get , “license , RC , Pollution sab nikalo” I remove my license and this guy has a look at it . Turning it upside down turning it and doing whatever he wanted with the card I gave. He was checking it whether it was fake or real and next he does is bend the card!!! Arre! didn’t anyone tell him that to check if the card is fake you turn around and look at the hologram .He bent my card and it cracked in places. I somehow got the instinct of Spiderman and thought I could check the card, I demand to show me the card, he says ruko. I say what the fuck man!

“bade bhai card dikhao yahaan par, kya karre? card tod diye mera?” I am almost on the verge of fighting with him when he runs away to the inspector who writes challans. I went to him and said “arre une mera card tod diya!”

Inspector replies “tumich cheene na ji, aisa cheene to tut jata na”

Me, an ass, still fumed and blurted out. “nahin maloom une mera card kaisa toda! us ko paise pay karo bolo ab”

He mocked at me and said “arre huale hogaye kya ji tum, ladne ka itna hi shauk hai to jao criminal case karr do us par.”

My Indian-ness aroused “hau! pehleich itne saare cases poadhe hue hai, ab case kiya to 3 4 mahine ke baad ata” woah I felt proud when I said that.

And then I did nothing, argued a little bit with the inspector again and the constable too and paid the fine of rs.100 and cursed myself all the way back home thinking of the broken card I have.

I was riding down the same road today and I see the constable playing the same trick of turning the lights red.

I drove, I sped, I fled, he shouted! I felt great.

Now people look at me and I get this, “once a haula never a haula”